Emily Dickinson, agony and of course rats

I like a look of agony,
to quote Dickinson

I LIKE a look of agony,
Because I know it ’s true;
Men do not sham convulsion,
Nor simulate a throe.
The eyes glaze once, and that is death.	5
Impossible to feign
The beads upon the forehead
By homely anguish strung.

this is the poem that really first made me realise that she's totally different to everyone else.

The image combing "beads" and "anguish" on the "forehead" recalls (to me) Jesus on the crucifix [which may have been her intention. Dickinson definitely found more genuine meaning and personal connection (and comfort) with God and Jesus (and religious passion (in the agony sense)) than most other people. Somehow she manages to make all her poems about God not feel trite or a following of the establishment. She conveys a more real image of God, I think). And yet, this image of Christ dying is interesting because "the eyes glaze once"- and of course, Jesus doesn't really die once, or at all. Some may see his death as "feign[ing]". Perhaps (now this is on a real limb. An "alternative interpretation" to the obvious one) this poem is partially reconciling the impermanence of life and death and agony with the permanent afterlife; the simplicity of "and that is death" mirroring the holy simplicity and restfullness of it all. And all the agony and life and death and permanence is crystalised by the real truth of agony and pain, which she indeed saw as "homely" - perhaps something grounding and comforting, as she is used to agony. Maybe she saw this constant agony as a gateway to the better, "true" existence, similar to a purgatory.

I love the image of a kind anguish, stringing beads upon her forehead (like a crown or Indian jewelry). However, it makes me question what "beads" mean: one assumes it means "beads of sweat", or perhaps rosary beads? Or like a child, when they make you a necklace out of shitty yellow wooden beads. Either way, this poem overall conveys to me this image of a woman totally at one and affectionate for the agony that plagues her and fellow humans, a link between all the superficial shit she encountered. The delicacy of a row of beads on her forehead giving whispers that the pain isn't permanent: the eyes "glaze once" and the calmness of that juxtaposed with anguish gives a sense of acceptance. This association makes it unclear whether she sees (in this poem) death as painless. "anguish" feels like a resignation. the simplicity: she "like[s]" a "look" of agony.

it's all rather quiet.